Saturday, April 18, 2009

Jubilee Park Diner, Clifton

913 Allwood Road
Clifton, New Jersey 07012
Pie, $2.59

10:45 PM; Head for the car, still smelling chlorine. Is it in our hair? Unbelievable.
10:44; At register; pay $11.29 tab. Question: "What time do you usually close?" Answer: "11. 11:30"
10:43; Leave a $2 tip.
10:42; Lights go out on the grab-a-toy game in the entry.
10:41; Dude in white makes 3rd pass by our table with the mop. Exchange glances. Set down forks.
10:40:03; Dude in white makes 2nd pass by our table with the mop ......... Chewing. Breathing. Tense. Swallow.
10:40; "Jesus, he's coming again."
10:39; Eating pie now, breathing through the mouth, so you can't smell the chlorine. Can't taste the pie. "Try breathing through one nostril."
10:38:26; Dude with a mop makes first pass by our table.
10:38:19; Dude with a mop bursts out of the kitchen.
10:38:10; Odor of chlorine. Eyes lock. Oh no! Oh, yes. No way! Yes. Way.
10:38; "This crust is actually flakey. It's really pastry!" Unbelievable!
10:37:57; "It's delicious!"
10:37:55; "The matrix isn't gelatinous!" "Look how it's flowing into the plate."
10:37:51; "No thanks; we'll do without."
10:37:50; Question: "Do you have our coffee?" Answer: "Oh, sorry about that. I can make some in about five minutes."
10:37:46; Thinking about coffee. "Mmmmm. Tasty."
10:37:43; "Look at this plump little cherry!"
10:37; Pie is set before us. Two clean forks. Beautiful. ........no coffee.
10:36: Question: "Are you ready for your pie?" Answer: "Yes! We are ready for pie!"
10:35:03; Waitress: "If I had to win that at an arcade it would have cost me a fortune."
10:35; Jersey Pie: "That's a nice elephant!"
10:34; Pushing eggs and potatoes around the plate, dreaming of pie.
10:33; Guy who was counting the money is working the claw-toy machine for the waitress.
10:27; Food arrives. Eggs look good, bodes well for the pie.
10:25; Guy at the cash register starts counting the till.
10:22:03; "Okay, this is serious now: we're working." Look around. Observation: A scarebunny is hanging over the counter. (A scarebunny is a cross between the easter bunny and a scarecrow.)
10:22:01; Question: "Do you have cherry pie?" Answer: "Yes, we do."
10:22; Order eggs and coffee.
10:19; "After all, how could a diner called 'Jubilee' not have cherry pie?"
10:18:50; Walk into the diner, look around. Rows of empty banquettes. It's dead. Silent man at cash register and lone doe-y waitress. Menus slide across the formica.
10:17; "Yes. They are open. Come on."
10:16; One goes inside. Question: "Are you open?" Answer: "Yes, we're open."
10:15; Pull into the parking lot of a dimly lit Jubilee Park Diner. The last patrons are getting into their car to leave. Question: "Do you think they're open?" Answer: "No, I don't think they're open."
10:14; Looking around; driving on the wrong side of Bloomfield Ave! "Look! There's the sign! Jubilee Diner!"
9:58-10:13; Creeping toward Clifton like it's rush hour or something. Unbelievable.
9:48:01-9:58; Traffic.....................................................There's E. Rutherford.
9:48;"Fuck."
9:36-9:47; Wheeling through the night down highways and highways and highways; talking.
9:35; "I know how to get to that diner, the one we were going to go to if we went to the movie in Clifton." "Let's do it"
9:30-9:35; Talking about Adventureland.
9:30; Leave "Adventureland."
7:20; "Yes. I do intend to eat the pizza, eat popcorn, AND go out for pie after the movie."

8 comments:

Mia said...

Damn! It sounds like it was good pie until the chlorine wiped out your olfactory lobe.

Kate Forster said...

Looks like you're going to have to go for lunch. Rude, stinky mopping must not keep you from fully enjoying a flakey, non-gelatinous pie.

Mia said...

I was just reading this. Didn't intend to post, except that the word verification is "cantsigh" and that made me laugh. Oh - I think we CAN sigh about this pie experience.

scorpio1355 said...

Well you know what? Maybe you shouldn't be going to a Diner 30 minutes before it closes.That's what 24 hour diners are for, Tick Tock right down the road!The staff was probably trying to close and clean up because as you said it was "dead." So, what they have to stop in their tracks for your 11.29 cent check? cmon people have some common courtesy. And as for the silent man and doe-y waitress, did you expect a circus act at closing time for your own entertainment? I work in this industry and you people are so annoying! Have you nothing better to do??

scorpio1355 said...

Oh and as for the scarebunny and coffee, scarebunny? really? as this had nothing to do with the topic, and coffee, is there really a reason to brew a full pot of coffee when you will probably only drink 1 or 2 cups, and waste the rest of the pot anyway, for an 11 dollar check and a 2 dollar tip? i dont think so! Go somewhere else!

princess said...

I've been to this diner so many times and its great. This article is stupid! If you really want to support this diner go during busy hours of operation and enjoy a fresh cup of coffee. Btw that man works 15 hrs a day busting his ass so exuse him for not being delighted for you at 10:30 pm....

princess said...

for you normal people who go out to eat go support this diner for I hear they may close due to the economy. These people that run the diner have been sweet to me and my family and dont deserve to be treated like the retart who wrote this crap.
Hrs are 6am - 10pm daily

Mia said...

Scorpio and Princess - chill out dudes. You're clearly missing the point of this blog, which is to chronicle an amusing search for cherry pie. Nobody is trashing the owner or his industriousness.

And, Princess - was "retart" a clever allusion to cherry confections, such as tarts, or do you really not know that "retard" is spelled with a "d?" I hope for the former, but strongly suspect the latter.